A Sober Quarantine

I have written this post probably 7 times over the last couple of weeks. The last thing that I want is to come across as pretentious or “Holier Than Though”. So, I will start by saying that this based on my experience, my mental and emotional health, and my perspective.

I have been sober for 2 months. That may not seem like a long time but it is for me. I am not, nor ever was, an alcoholic. That being said, I did use alcohol to cover up, hide, and run away from my problems. It was very subconscious and it was only brought to my attention within the last year or so.

After giving birth to my son a few years ago, I noticed something. Many (not all) moms out there use alcohol as a reward and a refuge from the busy day. “I worked so hard today (in and/or outside of the home), I deserve this glass of wine”. “My toddler really gave me hell today. I need this rum and coke to unwind”. Sound familiar?

This got me thinking…at this stage in my life (late 20’s, wife, mom), WHY do I drink? It took me a few months but I finally realized that I was drinking to escape. I was in survival mode; just barely making it through the day. I was on the verge of a break-through. I could feel it. But it was so scary and uncomfortable that I used alcohol to push it away.

There were people in my life, at the time, that fed into this “I earned my alcohol. I need alcohol to unwind” mentality. I couldn’t hang out with these people without drinking. Even when I didn’t want to drink, I allowed them to talk me down into thinking that I worked so hard and needed those rum and cokes to celebrate. Celebrate what?? Being a wife? Being a good mom? (or trying to) Making it through the day? That is ridiculous.

I don’t want to survive. I want to live. I want to own my life. I want to face up to my insecurities, fears, and past and move forward, without the crutch of alcohol, to live my best life.

So 2 months ago, I quit drinking. I have done a tremendous amount of work on myself over the last few years but these last 2 months have tied up the loose ends. I have clarity about so many things that haunted me for years. I’m not longer in survival mode. I am living. I still have insecurities, fears, and doubts, just like any other wife, mom and person out there. But I don’t hide from them anymore. I am living.

I am not sure how long this sobriety will last. I have not given myself a timeline. I just have no good reason to drink so I don’t drink. It is simple and because of that, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

In the meantime, if you want to go out for drinks, I’m there! Girls night? I’m in! Karaoke Night? You betcha! It turns out, virgin pomegranate margaritas are actually pretty tasty. La Croix is my jam!

This week, I encourage you to take a look at your habits (not just drinking) and ask yourself WHY? WHY do you do the things that you do? And how do those things serve you? If they aren’t serving you in a positive manner, what are some things you can do to change that?

Best in Health,

Rachel